so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
