I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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