She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
