Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
