one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
