I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
