Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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