Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Randomize
