I am puke
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
