fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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