JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
