Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
