good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
