i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
