So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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