I'm gonna have a badass scar
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
