mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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