Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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