I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
