im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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