Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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