so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
