I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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