Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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