But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
