id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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