take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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