No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
