Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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