So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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