i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
