I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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