based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
