I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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