It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
