we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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