Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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