Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
