I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
