I looked at my own cervix.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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