I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
