i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
