sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
