The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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