Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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