So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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