Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
