too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
