mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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