i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
