I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I need moral support for this bender
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
