When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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