i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
