I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
